


We Put Our Love First

by MoreThanTonight



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Asexual Character, Asexual Louis, Asexuality, Bottom Harry, Established Relationship, F/M, M/M, Sex Toys, Smut, Trans Character, Trans Female Character, Trans Harry, trans woman harry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-07
Updated: 2014-07-07
Packaged: 2018-02-07 21:56:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,273
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1915278
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MoreThanTonight/pseuds/MoreThanTonight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry is a trans woman. Louis is asexual. They are happily in love.<br/><i>A story about discovering yourself in the safety of the arms of your loved one.</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	We Put Our Love First

**Author's Note:**

  * For [sappha](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sappha/gifts).



> This has been an exciting ride and I hope the person who prompted this likes it!
> 
> Edit: Now that the exchange isn't anonymous anymore I guess I can give out my tumblr. Hit me up at [morethantonight](http://morethantonight.tumblr.com/)!

It wasn’t an uncommon occurrence for Louis to come home to the mellow sound of Lana Del Ray through the speakers, her raspy voice filling their tiny apartment with a calming atmosphere. Coming home was always the favourite part of Louis’ day. It wasn’t necessarily the comfort of the four walls where he could be himself, the softness of the couch that he had spent too many hours on or even the privacy of having his own space. Rather it was coming home to Harry. His sweet, beautiful, loving Harry. No matter how hard work was, or how ignorant people on the bus were, he always came back home to Harry.

 

Some nights he was scared that he was taking her for granted. That every morning when he left, he just assumed that she would be there when he returned. Or if she wasn’t at home, there would be a yellow sticky note taped to the fridge with an untidy scrawl and too many hearts.  Some nights Louis laid awake with Harry snoring away on his chest, wondering what it would be like to sleep alone. Some nights he woke up with a nightmare, his heart racing and his palms sweating with the aftermath of the image of Harry leaving him because of who he was.

 

Sometimes his insecurity got the best of him and he became snippy and defensive. On days where he didn’t feel like he belonged in the world, days were it felt like no one else was like him, it was hard to see why someone like Harry would still be interested in someone like him. Harry had her needs, needs that Louis couldn’t always give her.

 

But every time Louis woke up with a nightmare, Harry was there for him with a warm hug and whispered words of affection. “We are not like them,” Harry would say. “It doesn’t matter,” Harry would remind him, her words like an anchor whenever Louis felt like he was floating. “The fact that we’re different makes us stronger,” Harry would murmur into the dark, her fingers curling around Louis’ biceps like a lifeline. Like Louis’ lifeline.

 

And just like that it didn’t matter whether they were different. It didn’t matter that people looked at them weird when they walked down the streets or that their own friends were uncomfortable around them when the topic of sex or gender came up. Louis had Harry. And Harry had Louis.

 

-

 

Louis had always loved Harry. He loved her now and he loved her when she used to present as a boy.

“Mate, isn’t it hard to see hi-.. her change from a boy to a girl?” Liam asked one day while passing him a beer, after seeing the pictures of Louis and Harry on their fridge. Harry was out with Nick and Louis decided to have the new guy at work over to make some new friends. As much as he loved Harry, her hipster friends drove him up the wall.

 

“Not really, no,” Louis stated defensively, almost on autopilot. Most people expected him to leave when Harry realised that she was a girl born in the wrong body. ‘ _But aren’t you gay?’_ was probably the most common thing he heard. But he couldn’t really hide the fact that it was hard. “Of course it was hard. I mean..  It’s hard to see the person you’ve been in love with since you were a teenager suddenly change everything about themselves,” he muttered, opening the beer.

 

Louis took a long sip before looking at Liam again. “But it made her happy, you know? And ultimately that was all that mattered. I’ve seen Harry grow up. I’ve known her since she was a kid, I’ve known her through her growth spurts and I witnessed her voice break. But most importantly I’ve held her through endless nights while she cried in my arms, not knowing why she didn’t feel at home in her body,” Louis muttered, the beer tasting even more bitter on his tongue when he thought back at that time where it seemed like Harry would never smile. And even when she did, it never reached her eyes.

 

“But..” Liam started and Louis wanted to cringe. “How does it work? Harry’s a.. girl? In a boy’s body? And you’re gay?”

 

Louis pinched the bridge of his nose and took a deep breath, trying to remind himself that people like Liam weren’t trying to be ignorant on purpose. “I’m in love with Harry and ultimately that’s all that matters. It’s not like sex is a huge part of our life anyway,” he snapped, signalising that the conversation was over.

 

It was obvious that Liam wanted to ask more questions, but Louis shot him down by turning up the volume of the TV. “Hey man, I don’t mean to judge or whatever. I just want to understand,” Liam frowned. “You’re so different from any other couple I’ve met,” he said in a kind voice.

 

Louis refrained from rolling his eyes and took a sip of his bottle. “That’s where you’re wrong, Payno. Harry and I are just like other couples. We’re in love,” he said simply. Uttering those words, he couldn’t help but feel a pleasant hum in his stomach. He loved Harry. Harry loved him. It didn’t matter whether other people understood or not. They were in love.

 

\--

Louis still remembered the day he realised what asexuality meant. The day he actually understood. The day he felt like someone finally put words to the unexplainable feelings swirling around in his mind. He was eighteen and Harry was sixteen. They were as in love as teenagers could be. Full of awe and of appreciation of each other. Full of disgust of the world and the people who just _didn’t understand_. The only problem for Harry and Louis was that most people didn’t understand.

 

“Asexuality,” Louis murmured under his breath, his heart beating heavily in his chest.

 

“Come again?” Harry hummed absentmindedly from where she was laying on Louis’ bed, flipping through her maths textbook in search for the answers to the problem she just solved.

 

Louis looked up from his computer where he was supposed to be typing his history essay. Instead he was looking at various blogs as usual. “Asexuality,” Louis repeated. “’A person who is not interested in or does not desire sexual activity, either within or outside of a relationship. Asexuality is not the same as celibacy, which is the wilful decision to not act on sexual feelings. Asexuals, while not physically sexual-type folks, are none the less quite capable of loving, affectionate, romantic ties to others’,” Louis recited from the website he was reading, his words hurried and his cheeks flushed, as though he had just discovered something groundbreaking. To him, he had just discovered his entire future.

 

Harry sat up on the bed, her legs pulled up under her chin as she stared at Louis, her eyes kind and curious. “Do you think-.. Is that you?”

 

Louis read through the definition a few more times before nodding slowly. “I think.. it might be?” he whispered slowly, his eyes glued to the screen as he read through the article on asexuality. “Ac-According to this article, around one to two percent of the population may be asexual. That’s quite a lot,” he murmured. “That could be me.”

 

The next thing Louis knew were a pair of warm arms wrapping around him, and Harry’s lips pressing to the top of his head. “If you think you’re asexual, then I’m here for you a hundred percent,” she promised. “Even if it’s not what you think, then I’ll still be here for you.”

 

The corners of Louis’ lips tugged up in a weak smile. “It feels right, Hazza.. Everything that’s on here. About how you can fall in love but still not feel sexual attraction. About how sometimes you can be aroused but not really care about sex.. It all adds up,” he said, his voice hopeful, more hopeful than Harry had heard in a while. Louis looked up at Harry, his eyes wide with wonder and hope. “It makes sense.. _I_ make sense,” he whispered.

 

Harry and Louis hadn’t really gone far in terms of sex since they were taking it slow. Between the gender and body related dysphoria Harry had been struggling with and the sexual issues Louis had been dealing with, sex wasn’t on the top of their list. But they still fooled around a little. Wandering hands under thick duvets and giggles pressed against flushed skin. They kissed a lot, and they tried to explore each other’s bodies in an intimate way, but it had never felt right to go further than timid touches above clothes.

 

And now Louis finally understood why it didn’t feel right for him. It wasn’t that he wasn’t attracted to Harry, as he originally feared. He just wasn’t sexually attracted to anything. Period. The relief that seeped through him made his shoulders slump and he leaned into Harry’s embrace. “I love you,” he whispered into Harry’s shoulder.

 

Harry kissed Louis’ temple. “I’m proud of you,” she told him. “And I’m here for you no matter what.” Louis feared that it was just a fifteen year old’s empty promises, that Harry would eventually grow tired of him and move on to someone who actually liked the idea of having sex. But years later, Harry was still the one to kiss him awake and the one to lay beside him every night.

 

 

-

 

 

“Do I look nice?” Harry asked, twirling around in their bedroom in front of the body-length mirror. The skirt of the short black dress she was wearing twirled around her, making her look like a beautiful nymph for a second. Harry’s milky thighs were exposed, her skin glowing in stark contrast to the black that made her look so alluring.

 

“You look absolutely gorgeous,” Louis smiled, reaching a hand out to feel the fabric between his fingers. It was soft but a little scratchy. He had no idea what it was made of, but it was nice. It was beautiful, just like Harry.

 

“See, I feel like maybe the lipstick is too much? Too trashy?” She asked, pouting her lips that she had painted a deep red.

 

Louis sighed impatiently. “Babe, it looks lovely. Now can we please get going? We’re gonna be late.”

 

Harry’s pout deepened, but she grabbed her purse.

 

The work event was rather boring, but at least there was champagne there. Louis made small talk with his boss while Harry seemed to find her natural spot; being doted on by older women who wanted to touch her curls and ask what she used in it to make it so soft.

 

However, it was evident that people were staring at her. Maybe it was the fact that Harry’s chest was entirely flat or that there was a small bulge by her crotch that she couldn’t hide no matter how she tried to tuck. Harry was rather graceful about it, though. As graceful as one could be in a situation like this. “Oh, that’s my dick,” she cheerfully told a passer-by who asked what that _thing_ in her dress was. Louis had never seen anyone turn so red before.

 

But the fact was that Louis was proud of Harry. He was proud of the way she swerved those idiotic comments and how she was always, always so graceful and polite no matter how rude other people were. Sure, Harry was far from polite when she told him about what had happened behind closed doors, but she never gave other people more reason to attack her.

 

Which was why Louis wanted to reward his beautiful girl when they got home. He wasn’t drunk or even tipsy by any means, seeing how he only had a few sneaky sips of wine from Harry’s glass since he was going to drive them home. But Harry was loose from the few glasses of wine and giggly, her long curls bouncing around her shoulders every time she laughed.

 

The way she sang along to the song on the radio made Louis’ heart flutter and he felt an overwhelming urge to make Harry as happy as she made him.

 

“Baby,” Louis murmured as they went to bed that night, slipping under crisp covers that still smelled of laundry detergent since they hadn’t been slept in yet. Everyone raved about how nice it was to sleep on freshly washed sheets, but Louis missed the mellow smell of Harry on the blankets.

 

“Yeah?” Harry whispered back in the dark, setting an alarm on her phone.

 

Louis was wearing his boxers, but Harry almost always opted to go to bed naked. Louis didn’t know why exactly. Harry never tucked at night and let her bits go free. Louis had asked her a few times, about how completely naked she must feel when she wasn’t wearing clothes. When she wasn’t wearing her dresses or her skirts, when there was no red tint on her lips or pink glow on her cheeks. Louis had asked her if it bothers her to look so much like a boy at night, vulnerable and weak for the entire world to judge. To that Harry just patted his cheek and smiled, but it was one of her ‘I’m so glad that you’re attentive’ smiles, and told him that she could never feel weak, not when Louis was the only one seeing her like that.

 

“Are you tired, babe?” Louis whispered. It was a stupid habit, but they always whispered when it was dark, regardless of whether they were tired or not.

 

The sound of shuffling of the sheets told Louis that Harry had turned around. The phone was set aside and Harry was looking at Louis with wide, worried eyes that he could barely make out in the dark before Harry switched on their nightstand lamp. “Not really, no. Why? Do you want to talk?” she asked, her voice gentle.

 

Louis almost laughed at that. “As much as I appreciate the offer, no. Everything is fine. Actually..” he murmured, taking a deep breath as he ran his fingers through Harry’s curls with a grin. “I was wondering if I could get you off?”

 

Harry’s breath hitched. “Lou..” she started, her gaze flickering between Louis’ eyes from how close he was. “You don’t have to do that.”

 

“That was not what I asked you, silly,” Louis tutted with a smirk. “Do you want me to?”

 

Harry hesitated for a second, her lips parted indecisively, torn between what she wanted and what she thought was right. “I.. Louis, you don’t have to do this. I’m not even. I mean,” she stammered. It wasn’t every day that Louis sprang this on her and she spent so much energy trying not to bring up anything that could make Louis feel like he was different that when he said things like this, Harry had no idea what to say.

 

“I mean,” Harry started again, clearing her throat, but Louis pressed his forefinger to her lips with a gentle smile. “I know,” Louis whispered, pressing a kiss to the corner of Harry’s lips, tasting the faint trace of the strawberry chapstick Harry loved so much.

 

“Harry… Baby,” he whispered, brushing back a loose strand of Harry’s curls, tucking it behind her ear. “I want to. I mean, not like.. sexually want to, of course. But I want to make you feel good. You deserve it after a shit day like today, yeah?” he whispered.

 

Harry stared back at him uncertainly, but the hesitation in her eyes slowly faded away, being replaced with a tender spark of lust.

 

“I’m going to get you off with that pretty pink vibrator you like so much,” Louis told her in a firm, unwavering voice that left no doubt that he wanted to do this. It may not be for the reasons most people associated with sex, but he still wanted to do it. He wanted to make Harry feel good, even if it didn’t give him any sexual pleasure. He wanted to see the look of bliss on Harry’s face, hear her worn out pants as she came down from her high. He wanted to be the cause of that. He wanted to be able to make Harry as happy as Harry made him.

 

A small smile spread on Harry’s lips, excitement dancing in her eyes. “Well, if you’re offering.. The toy is in the second drawer. Lube is in the first,” she murmured.

 

Louis rolled his eyes at that. “You say that as if I don’t live in this apartment. As if I didn’t use your favourite vibrator as a bookmark for my Sudoku activity book the other night,” he snorted, shaking his head. “You used my sex toy as a bookmark?” Harry asked incredulously, to which Louis only shrugged with a smirk toying on his lips. “It’s a bit bulky but it does the job.”

 

Harry’s lips curved up in a silent growl, but she knew better than to start a silly argument about the sacredness of sex toys when Louis was actually offering to get her off.  

It happened so seldom that she knew not to take it for granted. Louis was in no shape or form obliged to get her off, but sometimes he did it just because he wanted to see her have fun, and he wanted to be a part of it.

 

“Alright,” Harry smiled, leaning forward to press a kiss to Louis’ lips. This time the kiss was harder, more frantic. A promise of something more to come. Louis saw the way Harry’s cheeks were flushed prettily, making his breath hitch. “Alright,” he mirrored softly.

 

Even though they didn’t do this very often, Louis liked to think that he was skilled at the act of getting his girlfriend off. Maybe it was because he wasn’t distracted by his own throbbing libido and could focus fully on Harry, but he knew that he felt a surge of pride and accomplishment everytime Harry came with her nose scrunched and her toes curling.

 

When Louis had two fingers inside Harry, her demeanour cracked. “Fuck, Lou!” she whined, her back arching off the bed as she tried to get Louis’ fingers just where she wanted them. Harry’s hands were clenching the sheets so tightly that Louis was worried they would have sheets with holes in them by the end of the night.

 

“Louis… Lou, please,” Harry whispered, her eyes dazed and unfocused as she looked down at Louis. Louis smirked back at her, crooking his fingers in the angle that he had memorised over the years. “Does that feel good, baby?” he cooed, his words laced with amusement.

 

Harry couldn’t nod fast enough, her head banging against the headboard in eagerness. “Yeah, yeah.. Please, more. Need more,” she pleaded, sweat forming in beads on her forehead as she spread her legs further wide.

 

Louis looked down at what he was working with. He had seen Harry naked a million times before, but there was something so magical and weird about seeing her like this. There was a sheen of sweat over Harry’s milky skin, her legs stretching for miles. She had waxed or shaved almost everything as usual and Louis knew she loved the feeling of freshly shaved legs against clean sheets.

 

Despite countless months of research and counselling, Harry had decided against a sex change operation. Which meant that the bits Louis had to work with were very much alike his own, at least physically. But mentally, he knew it was a whole other story.

 

“Louis,” Harry begged again, trying to get Louis’ attention. “Hand-.. Please,” she panted, pressing her face to the pillow so that the rest of her words were muffled. Louis tutted at that. “Hazza baby,” he sighed dramatically, shaking his head. “Use your big girl words for me. Come on, tell me what you need.” It was unsaid that Louis needed instructions because he couldn’t _relate_. He didn’t know what Harry needed right now, didn’t know what it was he was begging for. Couldn’t relate to how she was feeling, couldn’t empathise with the desperation he saw right in front of his eyes. But he knew one thing. He wanted to make this good for her. He wanted to give her everything he could give, even if it wasn’t much.

 

“Hand on my clit,” Harry blurted, her cheeks flushed red with embarrassment, lust and desire. To anyone else, it might have sounded incredibly confusing, but Louis knew just what to do.

 

One-handedly, he poured some of the lube onto his palm and wrapped his hand around Harry’s cock. The reaction was instant. Harry gasped, half in shock and half in pleasure. “Does that feel good?” Louis whispered, stroking her slowly. “Like my hand on your pretty clit, baby?”

 

Harry nodded furiously, fucking herself back on Louis’ fingers. Now that she had one desire fulfilled, she automatically went to the next. Louis chuckled and pulled his fingers out. The emptiness made Harry whine with need, her legs thrashing aimlessly as she let out a desperate moan. “Louis!”

 

Louis hummed to himself as he slicked up the pink toy, making it nice and shiny with lube before lining it up to Harry’s entrance. “Ready?”

 

Harry didn’t bother with a reply, just pushed herself down on the silicone toy with determination written in her green eyes. Louis chuckled at how cute she looked and pushed the toy in all the way in.

 

“Turn it up, turn it up!” Harry demanded, her hands scrambling to get a proper grip around the sheets as she tried to fuck down on the toy that was stubbornly still.

 

“Like this?” Louis whispered, his breath ghosting over Harry’s sensitive cock, his lips hovering just millimetres from his warm skin as he twisted the dial at the base of the vibrator, allowing the toy to buzz on the lowest setting.

 

The whine Harry exuded was painfully needy. “More, please.”

 

“Always so polite,” Louis smirked. The thing was that he was enjoying himself. This wasn’t just a chore, not just something to keep Harry by his side. He received pleasure in seeing Harry coming undone, seeing his beautiful girl lose herself in pleasure.

 

So Louis did the only thing he wanted to do; he turned the dial up until even he could hear the insistent buzzing filling the room, the sound mingling with Harry’s laboured breath and muffled whimpers through her bitten bottom lip.

 

“Lou! Fuck, too much!” Harry gasped, scrambling to get away from the toy. Unknowingly, Louis had turned the dial up all the way.

 

“How was I supposed to know,” Louis grumbled to himself as he turned it down a little, and he was rewarded with Harry relaxing, slumping back against the bed. “Mm, so much better,” Harry whispered, rocking her hips down gently so that the tip of the toy was rubbing against her sweet spot.

 

She lost patience quickly enough and reached a hand down to turn the toy up herself, adjusting the dial until she was happy. Louis wouldn’t admit it out loud, but he was relieved.

 

He pushed the vibrator in and out of Harry, watching the way it caught on her rim, how it stretched her open and how it slid in and out of her wetly. But the look on Harry’s face was so much more fascinating.

 

“I’m close,” Harry panted, and Louis fucked her even faster with the toy, pushing it in and out in time with Harry’s ragged breathing. It was meticulously calculated, as if a millisecond slip up would mean the end for both of them. Sweat formed on Louis’ forehead and his hand was cramping up from how long he had been doing the exact same movement. “You better,” he murmured teasingly, the grip around Harry tightening as he jerked her harder and harder.

 

It was rewarding to see the way Harry’s entire body tensed as she let out a deep moan, her lips parting as her back arched off the back. Her cock shot ropes of come on her chest, splattering on the black tattoos. “Beautiful,” Louis whispered in awe.

 

Harry was beautiful in all her magnificence. And Louis loved every inch of her. Looking into Harry’s hooded green eyes, he let out a laugh and pressed a kiss to Harry’s parted lips. “I love you, but not enough to lick that stuff off of your chest,” he snorted, and grabbed one of their used t-shirts from the floor, throwing it at Harry. Belatedly he realised that it was his own t-shirt, but it didn’t really matter as long as it got washed.

 

“Wouldn’t dream of it,” Harry whispered in a soft, spent voice and wiped off her come before tossing the t-shirt back on the floor where it belonged. “Hey, Lou?” she murmured as Louis pulled the vibrator out, Harry wincing. “Yeah, babe?” Louis replied, tossing the vibrator to the side so that he could lay down next to Harry again.

 

“You want me to get you off?” Harry asked casually, wrapping an arm around Louis’ waist like she already knew the answer. “Not really my style, Haz,” Louis replied and kissed the top of Harry’s head. Harry hummed softly. “I know. Thought it would be polite to ask anyway,” she whispered.

 

Louis smiled wistfully. “I’ll let you know if I change my mind, but don’t hold your breath.”

 

“You don’t have to change for me,” Harry murmured, her lips brushing over Louis’ temples.  “I know,” Louis replied. ‘ _And that is why I love you_ ’ remained unsaid.  “I know.”

 

 

  


**Author's Note:**

> I hope you guys liked it. It was challenging for me to write a trans woman and an asexual boy, and I hope that I handled it well. I'm so nervous about this getting posted and I am more than eager to accept comments :)
> 
> Edit: tumblr @morethantonight <3


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